In the first three years of a child’s life, their brain goes through a growth spurt and builds millions of new neural connections, all wiring together to develop how they will interact and respond socially and emotionally. This is learned through modeling the closest people to us in that time, who are typically our parents. It’s a big responsibility parents have, to teach their baby or toddler how to respond rather than react in a situation and it’s highly dependent on how the parent responds rather than reacts to that child. What do I mean by this? Have you ever tried to tell a child to just “stop crying” or even “it’s ok”, and it doesn’t seem to work? Well, that may be because a key ingredient is missing, which is co-regulation.

What is co-regulation? Simply put, it is when one is able to self-regulate, or manage their distress, through the process of interacting with another. A caregiver and child are co-regulators and so a child’s ability to self-regulate and soothe themselves is highly dependent on the caregiver to be self-regulated themselves, provide a safe and warm response and environment, offer a calming presence and tone of voice, and support the child during this time of distress in order to model how to self-soothe. In early childhood, infants don’t have the capacity to soothe themselves and so it’s up to the parents or caregivers to help them develop this ability. So, how do you do this? Well, this is not something you teach through verbal explanation, but rather through your own emotional and physiological state and responses.